And I fall under the weight of the unkindness of others. Were it only my own harsh judgements, I could push past them. It’s when it comes from those who should lift me up, who should see my best;` that I find myself floundering under their opinions. I’m not that strong. I’m not always able to see my value and worth. Sometimes I need it from those closest to me. Today, I’m feeling the sting of harsh words. I’m playing over comments I should have rejected, but found they lodged in a soft place in my heart. The hurt has built an infection. In this moment, I don’t want to share much with you. I don’t want to encourage you. Not now, when I’m hurting. But, just in case you might find yourself in this place - I thought I would tell you a few things - words I’m having to tell myself:
You are valuable. You bring life and joy to every situation.
No one else carries the anointing or gifts that you bring.
You are doing a good job. Even if that job is holding a crying baby. I promise you’re the only one that baby wants.
You bring something to this world that we all need.
Please don’t be silenced, shut down, or hidden.
You may not know your passions or gifts right now, you may be buried under the weight of mothering, working a job you don’t like, or caring for others, but those abilities that you were given are still there. There are seasons of amazing flow, that can shock you with how easy things are. Then, times that everything seems to stop. No matter how hard you try to make something happen, it can seem impossible. Regardless of where you are, do your best today. Don’t worry if the only thing you accomplished was cleaning up after breakfast or sending an email. Love your process, love where you are.
I had someone recently tell me they felt so sad for my life. And I have wanted to run and hide from those words. I want to throw them back. I fully want to bury myself under a rock and never ever come out.
Words are harsh. Guard yours. When you see someone, speak life. Build them up. Encourage them. Don’t focus on where they’re stuck - remind them of where they are going.
My life can feel a little sad. I have two big kids in school and a baby. I have nothing of significance. I cook, clean, parent my kids, go to bed and do it all again the next day.
But, in the middle of all of this - I am valuable. I may not be seen. I may not be that important in this great big world. I am of incredible worth to my children, even if they don’t tell me. I have to believe that the work I am doing at home has a pay off bigger than I can see.
I lost my focus today. Even telling myself what was true, it felt too hard. I wanted to give up. But, I reached out, and my sister came and prayed with me. There are times that are too big for us to walk through on our own. Give yourself grace, love, and chocolate. You will get through the difficult seasons, the struggle. We have a tendency to get lost in the hope that tomorrow will be better and then get angry when it’s not. The best thing is that in the right now, you can find your okay. I have everything I need for today. Whether or not I’m amazing is up to me, not the judgements of others.